The Trump Guide to Startup Success

  1. Refuse to bow to conventional wisdom.

  2. Your competitors are all total jokes. See 9.

  3. Act like you don’t need that VC money because, well, you're your own man or woman.

  4. Anyone who doesn’t buy into your awesome vision is clearly a loser.

  5. The name is everything. Everything. Choose wisely, then plaster it on everything. Everything.

  6. Tweet relentlessly.

  7. Be ready to fire employees, suppliers and anyone who pisses you off without blinking. Even better, make them duke it out in a board-room style fight to the death.

  8. Controversy is good for the soul. Negative press is a huge plus, always.

  9. All competitors are losers who must be crushed.

  10. Never admit defeat (even as you scramble behind scenes to retool).

  11. Be your products best promoter. Your product is always the greatest, ever.

  12. Bankruptcy/ failure is a temporary speedbump on your way to success. Spin it to show how you still came out on top e.g. by screwing over all those useless investors.

  13. Have a weird hair style. It helps. Adds brand value.

  14. Super confidence covers a multitude of faults.

  15. Constantly mention how much your startup is valued at. Feel free to inflate the figure upward . Produce a ton of indecipherable documentation to confuse everyone.

  16. Repeat at every opportunity that your startup is the best jobs generator that God created.

  17. Negotiate like a bulldog. Literally.

  18. Past performance is not an indicator of current nor future performance. Obvi.

  19. Ditch previous offerings/products that are no longer an asset. Pivot like crazy. Everyone does it so what?

  20. #MakeStartupsGreatAgain.